Monday, July 22, 2013

Goldmine Tall Tales Contest - July 13

Goldmine's Annual Homemade Ice Cream and Tall Tales Contest kicked off to a great crowd from around the state. Ice cream judges tasted the yummy ice cream concoctions of the following participants:
  • Michael Hall
  • Jessica Keyes
  • Phyllis Kombol (2 entries)
  • Teresa Porter (Alex Porter's wife)
  • Dale Wagstaff
  • Sheila Mullis (Sam Mullis' wife)
After the tasting of the ice cream, everyone else got taste peachy, cherry, vanilla and other delicious flavors! The Tall Tales program then started with our Sergeant at Arms, Kathy Kombol, who opened up the contest with a call to order and pledge. Our new President, Serena Edwards, gave us a warm welcome and the Contest Chair, Thomas Kombol, gave the opening remarks.

The Contest Master, Phylis Kombol, started the Tall Tales contest with the first randomly picked contestant.
  • Ron Crews "Crews Control" - Ron's speech was about his auto engineer dad whose '50 Buick Special ran on White Lightning (mountain moonshine). The story goes that the newly suped-up, turbo-charged "race" car, ran off the side of the mountain and into Cooter Petty's yard. Richard Petty, Cooter's son, was given the car to use. And the path the car took down the mountain became known as the Smokey Mountain Expressway. Crew's dad also made the contribution to the automobile industry: "cruise (crews) control"!
  • Bill Mentz "Country Livin'" -   Bill's speech centered out his town of Iron Station and his "experimental station" or otherwise known as a farm. He was going green before going green was the popular thing to do. He planted potatoes on the hill, a magnet with BBs inside to attract fish, goats to eat the grass and fertilize the grass. And goat burgers aren't "baaaad" either! He was also responsible for mixing popcorn and grits, to create the first self-stirring grits!
  • Ken Miller "Benny the Bomber" - This speech was about Ken's Uncle Ben who used to give him and his brother boxes of baseball cards. Uncle Benny seemed like the coolest uncle. But Ken's dad used to tell him, "Things are always as they seem." Uncle Benny used to run a store called "Bombers," and one day Ken saw the back room, which he was never supposed to see. Turns out Benny the Bomber was running a numbers racket for half the city!
  • Alex "Concealed Carry" - Alex never wears short pants out of respect for those who have to see his knobby knees and pasty legs. One day when he went to the hospital, doctors and business men kept coming into his room. When they left, there was a barf bag outside the door. He was offered a job at the hospital as the Director of Patient Procurment. He would go around town in shorts and no shirt making people sick. However, the first day he caused a traffic jam, people sued the hospital. After that he had to carry a "Concealed Carry Permit" for his legs!
  • Dale Wagstaff "The Worm Farm Mishap" - "Elmer Johnson" (Dale) told us about J.T. Garber's worm farm. J.T. was on vacation when "Elmer" went to his worm farm to help out. The farm rasied worms for their "poop." Their poop is their "bread and butter." Earl and Junebug came up with an idea to help the worms poop more. Metamucil always helped Earl's grandmother so they mixed it in with the worm feed. But at 2 a.m., the worms were passing gas like crazy and built up some bad methane gas. A worker, Philipe, lit a Cuban stogie and the whole thing exploded! Philipe wasn't seen for days after he spent the night in an oak tree. Earl was fired for his crazy idea!
  • Jessica Keyes "The Tomato Whisperer" - Two summers ago, Jessica's family wanted to grow tomatoes. After two weeks, nothing. Then she decided to talk to the the tomatoes. So she talked about her day, told them stories, and then played music for them. They started to grow, and grew bigger and bigger. She then started singing to the them. After they picked their huge tomatoes, she had to share her secret to the rest of the family. The real secret was that her mom had accidentally dumped too much Miracle Grow on them!
  • Sonny Tolbert "True Treasures" - Sonny was walking along on the beach and picked up a normal looking seashell. But when he put it up to his ear, something inside bit him! It was a fiddle crab (cause it was playing a fiddle). When he tried to squish him the crab (speaking in an Irish accent) started talking to him. His name was Crabster. Sonny asked why he tried to bite him and he said his ear was smelly. Crabster then took Sonny on a trip to the bottom of the sea to teach him about "true treasures." He showed him Shrimpster, Lobster, Sharkster, and Whalester, a giant jellyfish and ship wrecks: memories you never forget. Next thing he knew, Sonny was back on the beach talking to an empty clam shell. 
Contest Interviews followed the speeches while the ballot counters (Thomas Kombol and John Shepherd) took up the judges' ballots and counted them. Serena shared some announcements. They included TLI West on July 20, 3rd Annual Family Weekend on July 26-28, Summer Speech Spectacular on August 3, Goldmine Annual Banquet and Officer Installation on August 10, and District 37 Humorous & Evaluation Contest on October 25-26 (fall conference).

Contest Master, Phyllis Kombol, announced our winners:
1st place Ice Cream Contest: Teresa Porter: "Jack the Ripple"
1st place Tall Tales Contest: Dale Wagstaff

2nd place Ice Cream: Dale Wagstaff: "Grandma's Old Fashioned"
3rd place Ice Cream: Phyllis Kombol: "Peachy Keen"

2nd place Tall Tales: Bill Mentz
3rd place Tall Tales: Sonny Tolbert

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